It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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