There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
