Swine flu. Run for my life!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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