Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
