i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
