Apparently you make a good broom.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
