I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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