I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Holy sore nipples Batman
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
