are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize