Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
