Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
