It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
