I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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