remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
