Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
