I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
