I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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