The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
