No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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