He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
