So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
