I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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