The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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