So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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