According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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