Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
