I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
