i just sent this text using only my big toe
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
