when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
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