Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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