The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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