just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
