I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
