the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
