Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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