24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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