Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
