Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
