well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
