They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
