I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
