I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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