5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
