i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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