Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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