I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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