dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
