I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
People in love make me want to vomit
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
