I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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