i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
pray to the hookup gods
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize