So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
