It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize