Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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