having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
