My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
