he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
