Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am midnight drunk by noon
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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