the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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