and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
