I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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