it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
