You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
