You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
