the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
