You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
