he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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