What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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