I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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