I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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