We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
