dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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