Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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