Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
