Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Randomize
