the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
