The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
