I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
