Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
