It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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