Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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