you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just gargled with NyQuil
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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