no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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