i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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