It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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