Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
