God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
