I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
