Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
