I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
