her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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