I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
