i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
