I CAN MOONWALK!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
