I just cut my nipple shaving
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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