Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
