Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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