I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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