dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
