my mouth tastes like poor choices
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
