So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
