Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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