dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
