This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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