Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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