I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
