Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
