nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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