I wish life had little blips of pornography
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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