you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
